Wednesday, June 18, 2008

I hate the mall

I hate the mall. I used to like going and occasionally buying something on clearance, but no more. The mall is only good for teenagers with high paying minimum wage jobs and no responsibilities, and for older women with disposable income. It is too easy to spend money at the mall, so I stay away. But I have gift cards for a few stores and I was on that side of town... so I thought today would be a good day to use them. My husband was supposed to meet me, but he ended up having to stay late. No honey, take the overtime - I can shop with the kids alone. I'll make do. So I push the double stroller toward Victoria's Secret (their semi-annual sale started today). My sweet husband gave me a VS gift card as one of my Christmas presents six months ago, so I thought I should probably get to spending it. They had packed the store twice as full as usual, so I had a little trouble getting the double stroller in. I decided I better just focus on underwear, which of course was at the back of the store. There is nothing like a double stroller to get you dirty looks from some people. No matter where I parked it, little fingers would appear from nowhere trying to pull down the corsets and unmentionables, plus it would inevitably block some sale items. Seriously, there was not one good place to park while I dug through the marked down underwear (VS Cotton $3.99, Pink $3.99 and fancy pants $5.99). So I made do, much to the consternation of the other shoppers, and boy were there a lot of them! Child #1 was pretty helpful, although I am not sure about the wisdom of having my 6 year old son help me pick out underwear. It becomes awkward when I don't know how to explain why mommy doesn't really like that style. Thankfully, he was more fascinated with the security tags, and he just kept asking if they would get removed. It quickly went downhill, what with Child #2 trying to open all the drawers. Then the baby caught on, so she was trying too. Then Child #2 shut a drawer on her fingers so there was a LOT of screaming and tears. (And that wasn't even the low point.) So then I was holding her while I was sifting. Nope. Let's just check out. Did I mention there was a lot of people shopping? There was only a 2 foot area between makeup and mint displays to maneuver the stroller through to the cashier. In fact, I was limited to that line because it was the only one I could fit into. So Child #2 and Child #3 are making mad grabs for everything. Putting steel grips on lollipop panties (?) and eye shadow. It's all within their reach and at their level and evil mommy is taking it all away. So BOTH of them start shrieking, loud, high pitched screaming. The waves parted and everyone turned toward me. Oh look, my turn to check out. The cashier looked at me and asked, "Are you all right? Do you need a moment?" Do I need a moment? I'm only about to burst into tears, but I'm not the one shrieking. No, I just need to check out so I can leave, plus I was getting shaky (probably because I hadn't eaten lunch). Even once I had my bag, I had trouble turning the stroller around, and then I had to get all the way from the back to the front of the store. Yeah, that was me, sorry if I ran over your foot. Were you one of those pretty, young girls shopping with your boyfriend and looking slightly scared of me? You better be scared, I hold Victoria's Secret responsible for Child #2 and 3.
I went to one of those benches in the middle of the mall and called my husband.
" *sob* Don't *sniff* ever buy me a *sob* Victoria's Secret gift card again. *sniff* Victoria's Secret is for skinny girls that have nothing better to do than to blow money on smelly lotions and $40 bras. I can't shop there anymore. *sob* "
Yeah, I called my dear sweet husband and blamed him for his gift.
I hate looking like an incompetent mother more than anything else. Mothering is what I do and it is probably what I do best. It was the way those ladies were looking at me - disdain, fear, disgust, annoyance and the occasional look of pity.
Ah well, screw the mall. Let's go home. It was really stinking hot out today, and I just wanted to get everyone in the car. As I'm buckling kids in, my cell phone rang. It was some lady from an occupational therapy group calling about the coverage for Child #2, who had a SID assessment done a few weeks ago. Apparently, when she called for pre authorization, they gave her the wrong coverage information. It's not covered at 100% with a $25 copay like she told me - no - "you have a $1000 deductible and it's covered at 60%".
"Mommy, I'm thirrrrstyyyy."
$300. I could not hear half of what she was saying, but I heard that. So... I burst into tears again. "I'm sorry *gulp* I have to call you back *sob*" I can't think about this right now. In my heart I am indignant and angry. We would not have driven an hour to get the assessment for him, if she had told us the correct coverage in the beginning. This is their mistake. I will deal with it later, not now.
"Mommmmeee, I'm thirsty."
Me too. We got Sonic. Chili Cheese Coney dog, grilled cheese, corn dogs and french fries, plus a peach iced tea for poor mommy. Total indulgence. We went home and everyone felt much better. That was when I discovered that I'm ovulating again. Oh joy. Let me take this moment to revel in my fertility ability, and the fact that I am not pregnant. Well, at least that explains why I was so shaky and weepy. Yeah, it was a great day. Seriously, if you take out the whole mall part we had an awesome day. What I relearned today - 1) If you already went to the post office and then play group, then the kids are done for the day. 2) If it's after 1 pm, just go home and try again some other time.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Loved it! Lets hope those skinny girls learn about the facts of life and abstinence. Not something VS encourages.
Ahh, such is life. Next time you get a gift card, have him baby sit! You know, go to the mall together, he takes the kids for a walk, and you browse.
Maybe you can shop when you mom comes to visit.