Full Speed Ahead!

Boy, things sure changed quickly. January was a pretty awful month all around until the very last week, then everything got much better. The sun came out again during the day and Orion and the big dipper shone bright at night. The dog remembered that she is indeed housetrained and the rooster decided he values his life more than fighting with me. I even got my broken tooth repaired today. Our I800 got approved the day it got on the officer's* desk (after 3 weeks of transit time), and I got the GUZ 1 week later, filled out the DS260 late that night and got the RTF (PDF) email the next morning. We had to wait a few days because it was still Chinese New Year, but we had Article 5 dropoff as soon as they reopened. Now there is nothing to do but wait and prepare. Art 5 is always 10 business days for dropoff (plus another day for Presidents Day... could we possibly hit any more holidays?). I should not be impatient; my to do list is very, very long. But I would really like to be able to buy the plane tickets now while they are still cheap and have my arrangements made. I am so excited! We are SO close! But then I get queasy when I think about all the unknowns. And when I think about having a medical emergency in a foreign country. Or taking child #2 on a plane. Or how our new son will react to us. Mostly, I try not to think about unknowns, otherwise my stomach churns and I break out in cold sweats. This is where God stretches me and molds me. This is the really hard part for me. I am trying to control my excessive researching and over preparing. I know staying up until 2am reading China travel tips and Trip Advisor hotel reviews is not necessarily helpful, but it gives me a false sense of control. When I realize how little control I have, I have to breathe
deeply and remember that God set the path before us and we are following it. He holds us in the palm of His hand, and I have to trust Him to provide everything for this journey. And my how He has provided! I cannot believe all the ways He has shown us that this is His plan. The support, the smoothing of the details, the ladybugs, and the dates are all little pictures that God gives us that encourage and sustain us. The date numbers are pretty amazing and hilarious. My husband thinks I am a total geeky dork for being so excited by the dates. See, I noticed Child #5's birthdate at almost the same time I noticed his smile and his name. Our kids birthdays are all fifty days apart and Child #5's birthday is fifty days before that. So he would fit right into birthday season. Also, his birthdate has the numbers 1, 2, and 3 in it, which isn't all that spectacular, but the way our dates have fallen has become downright fascinating and comical at the same time. As we were keeping track of dates on FB, I started to see something funny.
LID 11/2
In Review 12/1
LOA 12/23
I800 Received 12/30
I800 Approved 1/23
Am I the only one that thinks that's kind of cool? You would too if you knew when our Article 5 pick up is scheduled and when our proposed Family Day should be. I can't wait to tell you!

*officer - I just want to say that I am pretty sure I got the sweetest USCIS officer there for our I800. Officer F., if I could have kissed you through the phone I would have. I was going to send you cookies, but I wasn't sure they would make it. Also, I didn't want to make my husband jealous. From all of us adoptive mommas, we know your name on the message boards, and we love you.

January Already?!

Let's face it. I am not a natural blogger. My apologies.
So what did you miss during the last month?
During December, my niece got into a sweet routine with our family and my girls loved spending every day with her. It took all the squabbles away. The hectic month peaked in mid-December when we hosted a Christmas party for our adoption group. It was the first time I ever hosted anything, so I was really nervous. I remember vacuuming and dusting and sitting on my island filling a giant crack with wood putty. I remember windex-ing the light fixtures on the ceiling and wiping the dust of the pot rack as my mom hand painted the wood putty to match the wood grain. I don't actually remember much else from that day. I think it went well. People showed up and they laughed a lot and stayed longer than an hour, so I'm going to take that as a success. I even got compliments on the food and punch. I told my husband I might consider doing it again next Christmas. Maybe. Definitely not sooner. Of course, I was planning so well that I coordinated that my brother and his family would come stay with us the next day. As it happened, my husband, who had been traveling during the week and developing a flu, got very sick Saturday. He had a fever that went on all day and he stayed in bed for about 24 hours. He briefly got up Sunday morning then went back to bed. My brother and his family had a good visit, short but good. I only got marginally angry at him and had a very hard time saying goodbye to my niece.

My husband started to improve a bit once they left (coincidence?) but still had a nagging cough. We had a little bit of breathing space in the week before Christmas, and we received a phone call and an email an hour apart from two grants. I was stunned. Just a couple weeks before we had gotten approved for a matching grant and I was filled with gratitude for that. I really wasn't expecting any direct grants. We had already been denied by 3 or 4. I cried on the phone call. I don't know if she was expecting that or not. Hopefully she was. On the 22nd, we found out our dossier had moved to matching. That was as good a Christmas gift as I could hope for. I had been praying for LOA before Christmas, but matching was the next best thing.

Christmas Eve we all did stockings then I stayed up way too late staging the photos for the great Elf Present Scavenger Hunt. Every year some wily plush villain steals the presents and gets chased around the house by our elf leaving a present for each kid and a photo clue at every spot. This is the problem with creativity. You do it ONE year, then your kids expect it the next year and the next and the next... Then it is tradition and legend and lore that the kids discuss before Christmas morning. Secretly, I have a ton of fun but every year I think, "Couldn't I have planned this earlier so I'm not up at 1am Christmas morning?" To be fair to our heroic elf, he is pretty lazy the rest of December. He didn't show up until the 16th then he only moved TWICE. He doesn't bake cookies or decorate or anything that other crazy people's elves do. No wonder he gets so active on Christmas Eve.

So the day after Christmas we packed everyone in the minivan and drove to my dad and stepmom's house in Oklahoma. Now Oklahoma doesn't normally excite me and there are whole stretches where I get NO cell phone reception, but where they live is like a little paradise with green hills, giant trees, peaceful breezes, a big lake and lots and lots of birds. It is lovely and I always oversleep when I am there. The second day we were there I received an email that we had soft LOA from China. I called for details and found out they actually issued it right before Christmas. That meant the hard copy would be arriving at the agency anyday. We had to make some plans about where they could FedEx it. That was fun. As it turned out, my husband along with my dad and son had to drive about an hour and a half to a place where it could be overnighted to. Thankfully it came around lunch, so they had time to hotfoot it back to meet me in the little town we were in. There in the tiniest, strangest FedEx outpost I've ever been in, we had fifteen minutes to sign and date the LOA, photocopy it, and send the photocopy with our I800 application overnighted to USCIS. We did it though! BUT we forgot to take a photo of us signing it!!! Admittedly, it was hard to remember much of anything in that little shipping office. I had four kids in various states of obedience and volume, "Stop touching that!" I was trying to remember what I needed copies of to send with the I800, "Don't hit your sister!" I was not allowed to use the copier so I had to have the young lady working there copy all those precious documents, "Don't touch anything!" I kept correcting my kids while keeping half an eye on my papers. It occurred to me fifteen minutes after we drove away that I hadn't even read the LOA or checked it for errors. This is SO not like me! My middle name is Preparation and my other middle name is Research. I read through it and finally felt the import of what that paper said. (Thankfully everything was totally correct on it and as I triple checked all my papers, I had included all the correct docs for immigration.) There were our names at the top. There was his name and birthdate with the title "foundling". We check marked the box that says we accept. AAAAHHH! The original is on it's way back to China while the copy and bulk of the paperwork is back with USCIS waiting for their stamp of approval once again. The time we weren't running after documents, we spent with my dad and stepmom doing puzzles, playing board games, going in his new Jacuzzi, riding horses and going for a brisk walk to see the area. Also there was a lot of eating too. We headed back home and my husband's pesky cough seemed to worsen a bit. Three days later, his side was hurting so bad he couldn't take in breaths. So I drove him to a doctor. She listened to his lungs and frowned deeply. She quickly wrote off five different prescriptions, had a nurse bring in a nebulizer and put it on him and as soon as he finished the breathing treatment, he got a steroid shot in the butt. She listened to his lungs again and sent him straight to get chest x-rays. Turned out he had pneumonia and bronchitis. It really knocked him down. He kept working though. Of course. He seems to be improving now.

While we wait for I800 approval, I will leave you with the adventures of our elf...

December Already!

Days of waiting really drag by, but then I look at the calendar and see that it's already December. Every day is one day closer to bringing home Child #5. That is a really tough thing to remember when weeks go by with no news. I was busy for sure, but the impatience is always there in the back of my mind.
I felt like I wasn't distracted enough, so I invited my cousin's family over for Thanksgiving along with her parents, my mom's brother and sister in law. You would think I would have poured that energy into being an amazing hostess with matching placemats and name cards, but mostly it meant that I spent two days cleaning then ran out of energy halfway into planning the menu. Thankfully, they are easy going, and my aunt enjoys cooking improve. "No evaporated milk? I think it will taste better with sour cream!" Thank you Lord that I invited a baking genius! She was right, it did taste better with sour cream! My turkey and mashed potatoes were perfect, so I consider that a success. But I didn't really feel that hosting one holiday was an adequate distraction from the waiting, so when my mom asked if my 16 year old niece could stay with us for three and a half weeks... Sure, why not? She's very sweet, but she's also very different. She has some special needs (autistic traits), so maturity wise I would put her at an 11-12 year old level. She spends all day long with my girls and they love her. She does school with us. She is similar in many ways to Child #2 in that she writes comics and tells stories in her head all day long. The tricky part is that her parents haven't taught her a lot of basic manners, so we are working on those. I also think she has very low self esteem, she hunches over and hides her face so often. She shows some awareness of being different or "weird", so it makes me sad to think of how she views herself. I think she will be a very famous author someday though. Her drawings and characters are amazing, better than many children's books I've seen. I don't know how, but I want to see her get published someday...
So pretty much that's why I haven't posted anything lately. I didn't really succeed at distracting myself; mostly, I just succeeded at having less time and being more tired.
I waited the entire month of November, but then I saw someone with the same LID date as me post that they were out of translation. So I broke down and called. Sure enough we had moved to in review also! I lost most of my enthusiasm when I saw fifty more people post that they were also out of translation on the same day. Their LID dates were from mid October to mid November, so now I don't know how much importance it has. But still, I have my hopes up that we might hear something new this week, or more likely next week. In the meantime, this is kind of how I feel...

Mid November Blessings

This week was busy, exhausting, crazy, and surreal but above all, it was filled with blessings. I am not doing well with patience. I know I need the time - to prepare, to get our school year in, to raise/save/make money, and to learn some rudimentary Mandarin, but I'm going crazy. I haven't watched our videos of Child #5 in weeks because it's painful. Will he still look like that or be that size or is he talking more now? It's possible we won't have an update until just before travel. That's... difficult. But this week brought many surprises. We have had a ladies Bible study group at our church praying specifically for our family and for Child #5. I am so appreciative for each of those ladies that have taken it upon themselves to pray for us and think about our family. We go through times of spiritual attack that have been much more recognizable since we started this process, and I know we would have a very hard time in this process if not for others' prayers. So this week, I had the pleasure of meeting those ladies and getting to talk with them and be prayed for by them. They were all so sweet and interested in our family and process. I'm not used to being the center of attention, and it was humbling to experience such attention. Then they sent me home with a Christmas card/gift to use for the holidays! What a totally wonderful, unexpected blessing. These feelings... I don't know how to express my gratitude. Then later that day, I found out that my dad and stepmom wanted to help with our adoption. I was speechless by that point. We did not ask for money from them, they just wanted to. We absolutely need the money, but I feel totally unworthy and undeserving of such a gift. They asked for nothing in return. We have done nothing to merit this, no labor, no goods, nothing to offer in exchange. I feel compelled to make personalized Christmas ornaments or bracelets to try to repay their gift, but I can't offer anything that would compare to what we have been given. That feeling of complete unworthiness and immense gratitude all rolled up together - that is when I finally understood the picture of God's gift of grace, a gift I am totally unworthy of and absolutely unable to ever repay.

USCIS, Here we come!

I know you're wondering what I have been up to. Here's the long answer:
First week of September: Bother the home study and placement agencies everyday while they revise and edit and notarize and mail. They did get it done pretty darn fast, so squeaky wheel and all that. Plus, I have been totally blessed by my agency workers so far.
Second week of September: Celebrate my husband's birthday and get ready to go on an anniversary trip to Dominican Republic that we prepaid for with our income tax refund back in March. Quite honestly, if we had not already paid for the hotel and plane tickets, we would not have taken any vacation. It's just another indication that God is sovereign in His timing and in the details. While on vacation, Grandma gets home study in the mail and sends in the USCIS copy with all the application stuff I have already put in a Fed Ex envelope for her.

Third week of September: Get back to regular life, but mostly struggle with some nasty stomach problem I brought back with me from the DR. Also, we got royally screwed by Expedia and had to pay extra to the hotel. It made for a stressful time, and I bent over backward fighting it. But it was almost as if God was saying, just pay it, just let it go. That was very hard for me, but I figured God's glory would just be bigger because of it. All this made for a dark week back from vacation. Then our main computer died. Then my trunk door had the hydraulics go out (the things that hold the trunk open, so it takes two people now, one to hold the door up and one to load/unload the groceries). Then the dog ate the vacuum cord into seventeen separate pieces, and I love that vacuum! Oh, and the insurance denied coverage for our blood tests last month, so our credit card got charged $500 by the lab. I had a revelation though. We have been reading George Mueller's biography and finished it, but I finally got it this week. George never plans ahead, never saves money, total opposite of me. He just prays for what they need, then for what the orphans need. Every day, sometimes just day by day. And they never went hungry, not once. God always provided, sometimes at the last minute. And every year they were able to take in more and more orphans. How can I worry? Also, I'm out of energy for worrying. We had a fun day trip to the capitol to get some state certifications and we stopped at the visitor's center for a little learnin'. We figured out that it was cheaper to drive there than pay FedEx overnight shipping, go figure.

Last week of September: My stomach seems to have sort of remembered how to digest food today, so I think there is hope. I think. This is day 10 and I'm sick of it. I'm sort of better but only because I only eat bread, eggs, fruit and vegetables now. Too much caffeine, sugar or grease and I start all over. I have no idea what I got in the DR but I'm petrified of something similar happening while we are in China. Stomach viruses knock me out! Anyway, this week is looking up, let me tell you how: my genius husband replaced the hydraulics on my trunk door and then on the same day he took apart the vacuum and rewired a new cord from Home Depot. And we got a special needs grant from our agency. It's not massive, but we have never gotten any kind of grant before so it was huge to me! Just the fact that somebody picked us is amazing! It was a wonderful sign to me that even in the dark times, God is watching over us. I also realized this week that I neglected to mention my husband's college expenses in any of the grant applications we filled out. Kind of a fat expense to forget, right? Oh well, it's all in God's hands anyway and He seems to be taking care of us.

Well, I am sick of talking about money and my stomach. This week I am eagerly anticipating our fingerprint notice. Like super eager. Of course, this is the week we have a new mailman and they are bringing our mail when the sun goes down.

Still Waiting for the Home Study...

Yes, we are still waiting though it is not the fault of our home study agency. My social worker is a rockstar and she had it to me last week for proofreading. The home study agency had sent it to my placement agency by last Friday. No, I am waiting on my placement agency to approve it. I am itching to have it in my hands so I can send in our I-800A application. Seriously, I'm twitchy, antsy, fidgety, and totally restless. I am physically restraining myself not to call them every single day. I have been given estimates of one week up to three weeks for them to approve it. I understand it has to go through certain channels and may need more edits, but if I can do all the paperwork, background checks, doctors forms, visits, etc. for a home study in four weeks, then they should be able to edit it in less than two. I love my placement agency, but three weeks is totally unacceptable. I NEED it back next week. Otherwise I won't be nearly as impressed with my agency as I used to be.

Kiddo Update: Child #1 is doing awesome academically... on the days that he is motivated. Quite a deep thinker, that kid. He is running 5Ks with his dad and he is doing a race with middle schoolers this weekend. He is making plans for building a computer. Child #2 is still busy reading and writing comics. His drawing is still a little rudimentary but the creativity is off the charts. Math is getting better. Still working on his frustration levels. Child #3 is smart and energetic and still incredibly independent and bossy. She is running with the others now and she loves to wear workout clothes all the time. Child #4 is still very much like a butterfly, flitting here and there and light as a feather. She is clever and learning to read more everyday. She is Amazing at running. She can ran long distance races and come in right behind my son and husband. She is great at gymnastics too, but as I told the girls, no money, no gymnastics. So that is on hold for the next year I think. I feel awful, but until we can pay for the adoption, gymnastics is too expensive. But we are doing the running as a family, so that has an added bonus.
Until then, I leave you with ---- PUPPY!...

Monday Blues

Well, this day sucked. I was going to finally get the last of the homestudy paperwork. My husband went in to have his TB test read, and they decided based on that they need to do a TB blood test to decide for sure. Seriously, it was the size of a mosquito bite and he has no risk factors. Even according to the CDC, it would have to be 10 mm for a health care worker and 15mm for non risk patients to be positive. (Of course I already researched all this when I took my test!) Argh!! So because they want to be overly paranoid, now I have to wait for at least another week more test results and the last piece of homestudy paperwork. Although, technically, we are still waiting on one background check our teenage son, probably because he isn't in a database other than a birth certificate. How do you do a background check with no history? Also, our social worker is going on vacation and basically told me she wouldn't even start on writing the homestudy till next week. Sooo... God had different plans for this week than I did. And I have almost nothing that I can do for a week, no one to call and pester... At least I am getting stuff listed on Ebay. I sold some furniture too, so that was awesome. Not sure how I'm going to get the money together, but I'm working on it. I decided to have the kids start school this week because we all need something to do. It went better than I expected considering they've been off for six weeks. Of course, Child #2 had the inevitable meltdown once we did math ("Not BORROWING!"), but we got halfway through the lesson. For him, that is a good day considering his whole routine was changed up. I think we'll be back to whole lessons by Wednesday. Husband was finishing up another week of college Calculus, and it's hilarious how similar he is to Child #2 when it comes to math. I hear balls of crumpled paper being thrown at the wall and muttered swear words directed at the computer monitor, and I just know he is working on math. Except for him, it's derivatives and limits or something like that. Honestly, he left me in the dust after Trig. So I made pancakes and blueberry compote for dinner and called it a day.

Our son is waiting in China!

I am so excited!! I got the word today that they decided to match us with Little E (pending homestudy)! I cannot wait until that pending homestudy part can be taken off. I feel like I am in the first trimester and I'm afraid to get too excited in case something happens. I will be doing the paper chase while we complete the homestudy to try to bring down the timeline a little. I can't bear to think of him waiting longer than he has to. We have been assigned a social worker, so we are just waiting for her to get the file and get started. In the meantime, I get to start getting all the documents in order. China has a few more steps and documents required than Ethiopia, so I feel like I've done this before but not at this level - if that makes sense. A little info - Little E is four years old and ridiculously cute. He has a vision issue in one of his eyes and a speech delay, but he is very active and smiley. He sounds like a handful, but I figure he will fit right in here.

Things we saw this year, in no particular order

 Caterpillar at Loxahatchee Wildlife Refuge, FL

 Birds also at Loxahatchee

 Butterfly at Loxahatchee. In fact we saw about sixty different kinds of birds, butterflies and critters. We did not, however, see an alligator. They were uncooperative that day.

My dad's paradise in Oklahoma.

 Texas Skies

 Raccoon or Possum Tracks? Methinks raccoon.

PUPPY!!

 Splash Mountain at Disney

 The emergency exit of Splash Mountain

Disney in the rain (as I told my kids, "Lots of people get to go to Disney in the hot sun, but very, very few get to spend their day at Disney in the rain!") I highly recommend it, the lines were very short.

PUPPY!!

The beginning of waiting...

Ugh. I remember this part. I have done everything I can do for now. Filled out every form I received. Sent it in the mail then compulsively checked the tracking info to follow it's journey. I called them within three hours and left a voice mail, "I saw it was delivered today, so I just wanted to check in...". Then I sent an email just to be sure. Of course, they didn't even open it till today. Every doable task I was given today, I had done within an hour.

Yes, the eagerness has set in. I was so petrified and filled with fear when I wrote that last blog post. I knew what God wanted, but I was SO scared to say yes. I even knew I was going to say yes anyway. I kept asking my husband, expecting him to either say "You're driving this bus alone. You need to stop." or "God gave me a dream of this child, let's go." But all he said was, "I have peace about it." In fact, that was ALL he said. Then he went back to work. He didn't then spend three hours talking about all the pros and cons and also all the things that could happen post adoption. That was me. So later that day, I asked him again. Exact same answer. Then he went back to reading his kindle. It was just me being a big ball of stress, but I still knew the path. As soon as I told the agency we wanted to proceed, all my fear went away. Then the excitement and impatience came. I was praying everyone in the house would be excited too, and I was really surprised by how they were all on board as soon as we talked about it. The kids were enthusiastic and had all sorts of good questions. I was most surprised by my mom. Since she lives with us, she sees all the sides of our kids, and it usually drives her to her room. On particularly loud and whiny days, she might disappear mid-morning and not be heard from again until the next day. (This was good planning on our part to give her a mini kitchen and personal back door.) I sort of dreaded her reaction, but she totally surprised me. She was gung-ho almost as soon as I told her about my God moment. It was almost like, "if God told you this is your next child, then by golly, let's do it!" It is also a blessing that she has a heart for special needs, and she often helps out with the SN ministry at church. It was a huge answer to prayers.

I became super productive. I couldn't sleep longer than five or six hours a night. If I had no paperwork to do, I reorganized, cleaned and consolidated. I emptied out Child #3 and #4's shared bedroom, like totally. Those two are little hoarders. I have nothing wrong with kids' shows promoting caring for the earth, but now I have kids that save everything, saying, "I'm going to reuse this!" and "I'm going to recycle this." Bits of cardboard, toilet paper tubes, every kind of box, bubble wrap, bits of yarn, along with stray Legos, doll shoes, barrettes, crayons, colored pencils. They clean their room often, but their methodology is lacking. It generally involves a lot of stuffing random things in corners of the room. So when I emptied the room, I kept finding little treasure troves of useless detritus, behind the books, behind clothes, corner of the closet, behind the bed, etc. Then I had to sort it, I mean you can't just throw away Legos, pencils, socks and My Little Pony accessories. It was painful. I filled totes for the attic, for Goodwill and for consignment sales. I vacuumed, wiped down shelves and baseboards and windows, then I touched up the paint. Then I stripped the mattresses, vacuumed them, and used the carpet cleaner on them. Tomorrow, I'll shampoo the carpet and put everything back together. I don't know that I have ever cleaned a room quite so thoroughly. The sad thing is, I can't wait to do the boys room next! Anything to put this excess energy into use until someone gives me some more paperwork to chase. I am in full on nesting mode. I hope it lasts for a while because I have a few unfinished projects, plus I could always start school up again.

Monday. I won't be able to tell anyone until Monday. That is the day they decide whether to match us (pending the homestuday). We are doing it kind of backwards, which is not my comfort place, but apparently it's pretty common with special needs. So this is just the beginning of waiting. I will try to see it as the precious gift it is - time to prepare mentally, physically and emotionally. I wanted to share this amazing post again because it was true six years ago when she first wrote it, and it still applies today.

You call me out...

I love the fact that right now very few people read my blog. Since I never have time to post, the readership has gone way down. But the introvert in me feels very comfortable here. (Side note: I have a really bad habit of spouting out verbal diarrhea when I am around someone that makes me a little nervous. This could be another mom that actually wears makeup and combs her hair or it could be my kids pediatrician or my pastor. It's almost always awkward and embarrassing. I take a normal How are you doing? into tangents and geeky non-sequiturs.) Oops, I do it in blog form too.

Anyways, as you can probably tell by my blog schedule, we were dipping our toys back into the adoption waters again in November, but we stopped before getting far. Paperwork completely filled out went into a drawer. We felt apathy. But for me it was a whole lot of fear. It was so much easier to put it all in a drawer. We have a happy family dynamic. We have busy schedules sometimes but relative harmony. Are we some kind of masochists that we always feel the need to create a challenge? Are we so used to difficulty that we want to create some in the calm? We had to ask ourselves this. Was it God or was it us feeling like we should? So we sat back and relaxed. We have had one of the most enjoyable summers in my memory, and we really didn't go anywhere beyond a 15 mile radius. We visited my dad in May then we sat back. We've done school a few days a week here and there to stay in practice, but that has felt very relaxed too. We said this is a good place to be, and it's fun thinking about building a pool someday or going on a trip to Korea (okay, that's just me). I love it that my youngest can get herself breakfast in the morning and I can actually sleep in on summer days.

But God set in motion a series of events from different people that came together like the Rube Goldberg OKGo video, and at the end was me rechecking an agency email I had passed over last week. And boom the banner falls. So we are in the infancy of a storm. I'm not going to say God spoke to me because I don't hear a man's deep voice in my head. It's still just mine, but I clearly thought. "Well, you've had your vacation. You've gotten to be lazy and kind of selfish, but now it's time again to go back out." I know with certainty the end of the path, but I'm uncertain of the twists and turns along the way. But man do I have FEAR. God has given me a spirit of adventure and productivity and perseverance, but on the flip side, I struggle with needing to be in control, of having everything planned and researched properly, and of everything being safe. My husband worries about the money aspect, and I'm uncharacteristically unconcerned about that. When God says we're supposed to do something, He brings the money together. But me, I worry about the family harmony, will someone be picked on or feel left out, will there be serious issues that develop that we could have avoided by just staying a family of six, will we die on a plane crash on the way there... My mind wanders to stupid places when I'm trying to sleep. But I remember the tree accident, one of the worst and best days of my life because God destroys, but He also restores. He is faithful through everything. On Sunday, we finally sang Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) after a year or two of that song not being in the rotation. So I have that song playing over and over in my head. Then after three weeks of sermons on stewardship and generosity comes a sermon on the parable of the talents. Do we bury the bag of gold out of fear? It was never our bag of gold to begin with.

Happy Adoption Stories

I've been hearing/reading some seriously rough adoption stories this week. Usually they have happier endings (present day), but boy, they could certainly scare a person off. I'm a big believer in reading all the bad stuff along with the good stuff, if you are considering adoption. Go to Pound Pup Legacy and see where some of those rabbit trails go. Google any agency you think of using and read everything. Read the horror stories. I know it can be harder to find the good stories, or just the not so bad stories. Certainly, the first year of any adoption is hard even when all other circumstances are perfect because we are dealing with human emotions and expectations. I guess it's possible that our adoption was the exception and we were blessed. Or maybe it's my perspective. Maybe I think it was the rosiest adoption possible because the "messy" or "difficult" stuff that came up wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

Here's my experience, looked at through the lens of five years later:
We had three biological kids before our youngest joined our family. She was fifteen months old and very underweight. She came to us from an orphanage, and though there were many children, the caregivers were loving, warm and affectionate with the kids. Our daughter didn't smile at first. I didn't mind too much. I was grateful that she wanted to be held. I could work with that. We had a good first meeting. She went back to the guesthouse with us. It was all a bit surreal. I vaguely remember having a panic attack late in the night. There I was in a foreign country with all my other kids on the other side of the world. WHAT have I done?? But the sun came up again, and we went to the embassy. It was a whirlwind going to the airport and getting back home. I know she was literally attached to me for about 27 hours straight. Except for the 17 diaper changes (something about the airplane really triggered her digestive system to freak out). I distinctly remember using the airplane bathroom with her attached to me in the Ergo because she would scream if I took her off. It might have been difficult, but I just remember it as being really funny. I just talked to a mom last week and found out this isn't a very unique experience for a brand new adoptive mom on a ten or twelve hour plane flight. I also remember a four hour wait at customs where I was dead on my feet and falling asleep in the hard plastic chair (with her still attached to me). By that time my clothes were covered in all manner of foods, liquids and bodily fluids, and of course, I was wearing black! The first days home were surprisingly good as far as adjustment. She relaxed right away around the other kids and began smiling often. She quickly decided she didn't like my husband, and it took two solid months to begin to ease her into being held by him. I think the hardest thing for me was the health issues. She was generally healthy, although she'd had a double ear infection when we got home. That was normal for the kids coming home from the orphanage though. For me, it was the stomach issues. It took about a year and a half to figure out every parasite and worm that was plaguing her. But she was still having diarrhea and low weight gain. After celiac sprue came up, we cut out all dairy and gluten and it finally improved. A year and a half. I can't imagine what that was like for her. The other awful thing that comes to my mind was a phase she went through where she was smearing feces on the wall. Thank you God she didn't do that more than a few times. The cleaning and laundry each time was so exhausting! I guess she had a few peculiar habits that you sometimes see in children from orphanages. She would stuff little pieces of food down her onesie or tuck them under her pillow. She would hide toys in her bed. No big deal. There was no throwing food across the room, screaming rages, etc. But I wonder now if I would have handled that okay too and looked back on it fondly later. Maybe it's just perspective.
The big stuff: she attached to me, my husband and her sister and brothers firmly that first year. There was the occasional time of her giving out her affection to others a little too easily and we would reign it in when that happened. It took longer to build up her self esteem, but she has blossomed in confidence in the last year or two. We keep working on it. She has definitely turned downright sassy this year, so that is a new road for me. She is healthy, active, clever, detailed, beautiful, amazing, loving, and kind.
Now for a brief statement from my soapbox - I am grateful that I am a stay at home mom and we could cocoon ourselves in those first few months. It was a precious investment. My biggest piece of advice is don't go out for a while, and do not be a social butterfly. A newly adopted child does not want to meet all your friends and family, they just want to be fed, kept warm, loved and most of all, secure. That's it. Also, no matter how much you wanted this child or how long you waited, love is not automatic. While you are working on getting them attached to you, you are also working at attaching yourself to them. I didn't not fully realize that for awhile. Love takes work; it doesn't all just happen on it's own. There were times I plastered a smile on my face and hugged her when I really didn't want to. I don't have to do that anymore. That was a long time ago, and I'm grateful for all the growth.
I'm sure you've read or heard it, adoption is not for the faint of heart. That's the God honest truth. You need a strong heart, an open heart, a faithful heart and most of all, a committed heart. I think every parent's worst nightmare is the idea that you will make a mistake. You'll bring home the "wrong" child, a lemon. Plug on. Stick with it. Keep going. It's a marathon, and if you are committed, you will not fail. You will love and be loved. Besides, those lemons grow up into pretty amazing adults.
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will not leave you or forsake you." Deut. 31:6

Four Years Later

Yeah, so I've been gone awhile...
First, I just got too busy to post anymore. Then we had a crisis. Then I was super busy. Now I'm finally feeling like I occasionally have free time. I've said it before and I'll say it again, WHO are these moms who homeschool multiple kids and still have time to blog everyday?
So here's what the last four years looked like in summary...


2012 - A mostly quiet year
Boys took piano lessons with our friends down the road and did a few recitals.
Our favorite giant tree in the front yard fell across the driveway missing our minivan by about 12 inches.
My love affair with Korean Drama began with a marathon summer viewing of My Princess.
We all traveled to Florida to visit my in-laws, as my husband's father was healing from a head injury. He made an amazing recovery.







2013 -Year of the Tree
In January, we took an amazing family trip to Disney World and Epcot. I don't think we can ever top a trip like that.
Two months later, child #2 almost died after a dead tree fell on him as he jumped on a trampoline at a friend's house.
Child #2 got to take a helicopter ride downtown where he stayed for the next week with my husband and I on rotating shifts.
Only by God's grace Child #2 healed from injuries including fractured skull, broken pelvis, broken leg, broken toes, fractured vertebrae, not to mention the trauma of a catheter.
It takes a few months and includes a wheelchair, portable potty seat, walker, and making a bedroom downstairs where our living room used to be.
We all learned how much love and service and gratitude we are capable of. There is no limit.
The rest of the year is wonderfully quiet and the pins are removed from his leg at the end of the year.
Hmm, I should say quiet except for the Weimaraner puppy we added to the family. She has not been quiet or peaceful.


2014 - Year of the House
I built a house.
I became a full time general contractor, after mistakenly assuming I could do it part time.
I did a pretty awesome job and only took seven months to finish.
We move in and enjoy the fruit of our labor.
There were also birthdays, trips to the museum and some holiday.
I don't remember much
from last year. I was kind of busy.


2015 - Normal Rhythm
We homeschooled.
We bought chicks that are now egg laying hens.
Child #1 had eye surgery in April. He gets his braces off this month. It's a big year for him.
We traveled to Rock City, then a big, fun family reunion in Dollywood. Next we spent days going to Smoky Mountain National Park, North Carolina mountains and the Biltmore.
It was only a two week vacation, but we sure did a lot in two weeks.
So now that we're settled into a wonderful, comfortable routine, I wonder what God will have in store for us next. I kind of have a clue, but the coming weeks will tell...

Vacation, Readoption and Birthdays, Oh My

It has been a very busy couple of months. We went to Florida the beginning of May. I got to go to the opening for my sister's solo show. My mom did face painting, and I got to vamp it up with my sisters. Oh, if only they lived closer! We went to the beach with my cousin and her sons (I love you, Cherie!). Thankfully, no one drowned, although Child #3 did her best to go face first into every wave, and Child #4 ate everything. Seriously, I pulled a rusty bottlecap out of her mouth, and she actually chewed a shell before I was able to fish it out. She pooped sand for three days afterward. We went to the Playmobil Fun Park, only $1 per child, and you can play with all the toys! It is still one of our favorite Florida spots. Then we went to the west coast and had a family reunion with my side of the family. I met my new niece, and everyone else met our newest child. We also had a blast at Busch Gardens. I highly recommend the Sheikra, funnest ride I have ever been on. Make sure to sit in the front row. We had tons of fun, but half of us had raging fevers/coughing by the time we drove the 18 hours home. Thankfully, everyone got better fairly quickly once we were home.

Soon after returning home, Child #2 graduated kindergarten. Generally I think graduation for anything less than high school is silly, but once I started homeschooling, I celebrate those kindergarten graduations.

Then the week after that, we did Child #4's readoption. If she had come to the U.S. on an IR3 visa, all we would have had to do was a recognition of foreign adoption, but since she came home on an IR4 visa, we had to do a readoption. We just recieved the TX birth certificate, and it was very exciting for us.

The week after that, we celebrated Child #4's 2nd birthday and Child #3's 4th birthday. I actually spent four days straight baking three different cakes and wrapping oodles of presents. I treated Child #4's birthday more like a first birthday, and made her a little square splat cake to dig into. She mostly poked it with her fork and ate the frosting off the top. Out of all the gifts we gave her, I think the thing she liked most was a pair of gold sandals my mom got her. She refused to take them off and wore them to bed.

Why Mothers Don't Nap...

Because their kids don't...

Actually, child #4 does nap. But this is the work of Child #3, capable of doing more disaster in five minutes than all the other children combined throughout a full day. What you don't see in the photo is that she also painted the walls, the windows (apparently taking the time to lift the shades, paint the glass, then politely put the shades back down), and dripped all over the carpet. I'm not entirely sure how she did that without painting the shades themselves. I was able to remove the paint from the shelf, the windows, and the carpet, but the upholstery has me stumped. Any suggestions?

So to recap, fifteen minute nap = four hours cleaning up (and still not done yet).

Ethiopian Cabbage Recipe

I had some vegetables to use up in my fridge, and I decided that tonight was the night that I would finally work up my courage to try out an Ethiopian dish and crack open some of my berbere. I used this recipe. I used baby carrots, potatos, one onion, and a half a head of cabbage. Instead of the spices listed, I used salt to taste and a teaspoon of berbere. It was a big pot, but I could have used half that amount of berbere! I served chicken and egg noodles with it which balanced out the heat a little, but it tasted great! And my house smells like an Ethiopian kitchen, which brought back all my memories. Now that I've taken the plunge, I am going to find some injera (or make my own sad version with buttermilk flenjses) to serve with it next time. Child #4 loved dinner tonight. She does not go for bland foods. She loves spicy sausage too :). (Child #1 also loved it, but Child #2 and 3 only wanted noodles and chicken. Sigh.)

With us longer than...

the time she spent in orphanages. She was in orphanages for four and a half months (which is a blessedly short amount of time compared to most orphans), and she has now been home longer than that! She is usually quiet, unless she wants food, but lately she is babbling more during playtime. I am really glad to see her trying to talk to the pets and her brothers and sister now. I think for a long time she was fascinated by how very loud and verbal they all are, and she was content to just listen. I can see she has been very busy learning. She defenitely understands what we tell her. I tell her to put things back or bring something to me or shut the door, and she understands all of it. I am constantly amazed.
And by the way, this week has been MUCH better than last week.

4+ Months Home...

Yes, I forgot I had a blog. My bad.
I could say it's because I have been crazy busy and overwhelmed and exhausted at the end of every day, and that would all be true. But it's mostly that my brain just hasn't had enough cells to work with for writing anything worth reading. That may still be true, but I'll give it a try anyway.

Our first few weeks were the hardest, but even at the hardest, it wasn't unbearable. Child #4 was almost fifteen months old when she joined our family, and she only weighed 16 pounds. She attached to me right away, and those first few weeks she didn't like to be set down. She had a fairly easy time adjusting to sleep schedules, and she took two naps a day for a month or two, like she had to catch up. Now she takes one nap in the afternoon. She was sleeping in our room at first, but we moved her to Child #3's bedroom a couple months ago. I think it has been better for both of them. Instead of competing for my attention, they can team up being mischevious. One of the harder parts for my husband was that she liked him holding her in the very beginning, but then within a week, she developed a major aversion for him. It was to the point that she wouldn't be in a room with him if I wasn't holding her. She liked him okay if it was morning and he was the only one awake to feed her. It felt like a really long time (really just a couple months) before she liked having him hold her. Now of course, she runs to greet him when he walks in the door and loves having him pick her up and make her giggle. Even our daily routine has gone way better than planned. The chaos level is not near what I was expecting. The hardest part has been dealing with her daily moods, some days she's cheerful and smiley, other days she is whiny and cranky. On the bad days she has to be held most of the day. She has had about six teeth come in since coming home, four of them molars. One of those is not quite out yet. I'm hoping that is what the bulk of her cranky days stems from. She is nineteen months old now and she weighs about twenty pounds. (Other kids are Child #1: 8 1/2 yob, Child #2: 6 yob, Child #3: 3 1/2 yog). Most of our days are chock full of food, noise, playing, learning, food, laundry, food, noise and sleeping, not nessacarily in that order. That is also where all my energy goes. I'm just thankful that I usually get a couple of hours at night to watch Hulu or read a book. I think I would be cross eyed and slightly unstable if I didn't have a little time at night to collect my wits. My good days are when everything on my list gets done AND my children all listened to me without debating or talking back AND my husband came home in a good mood AND I actually cooked a home made dinner before 6:30 pm AND I get a compliment. I might have that kind of day once a week, and it's what keeps me going. My average day has about two out of five of those elements. I also usually get about one or two BAD days a week, and I wash those days out my hair because they are far too demoralizing. And since I know you all love hearing about the bad days ;), they usually include at least three of these elements -

• I have to strip and change Child #3's bed because that nighttime cup of water was one too many.
• I spend the entire day looking for Child #2's favorite book (currently Wacky Wednesday) and listening to him ask me if I've found it yet "No, I'm still looking". (This specific scenario went on for three weeks daily to the point where I was debating between getting it off Ebay or Amazon. Then it appeared today, under Child #1's bed, where I'd already checked twice!)
• Child #1 decides to assert his #1 status by questioning the legitimacy of school work, cleaning and getting out of pajamas. He may carry this on all day and into a second or third day, thereby losing electronic priveleges and being periodically banished to his room. All of which is my fault for making it "the WORST day ever". Oh, you know it!
• I have to strip and change Child #4's bedding because she figured out to get out of her clothes again. That is the number one factor when deciding what she will wear, "Can she figure out how to take this off?" And it always has to been when she pooped because she just loves to spread that crap around. So we do spontaneous bathtimes for that too. Everyone in the house is on alert for it now. If someone hears Child #4 awake, they peak in and it is either, "MOMMY, She's only wearing A DIAPER." (level orange alert) or "MOMMY, SHE TOOK ALL HER CLOTHES OFF." (level red alert).
• I spend an hour working on dinner only to find out that an integral ingredient in the recipe is missing or is unuseable. Thankfully, I have a lot of experience in adapting recipes. I get better at improv cooking every year.
• My husband walks in the door, sees seven things on the floor and three dishes in the sink and some school books still on the table and wonders what I did all day. This means he is in a bad mood and he will spend the evening being dissatisfied and possibly vacumning and doing dishes. I love it when he cleans, but it's usually because he's cranky. Not a great trade off.
• Somebody has a fever, stomach flu, or nasty cough, thereby cancelling all activities for the next few days, like cub scouts or Bible study, and turning us into groundhogs.

Since I'm fairly used to the elements of a bad day, it makes the good parts of those days shine all the brighter. Compliments are sweet nectar to my ears and obedience honey to my heart. If you can't tell, today was a bad day. Yesterday was too, which is unusual. But that puts the odds in my favor for a super day tomorrow! Thank you Lord for the gift of optimism, I couldn't be a stay at home mom without it. So let me know if you spot any typos or mistakes because I'm too tired to proofread this, plus if I don't get in the shower now, my next chance won't be for another 22 hours.

HOME!!!

We've been home a week and a half, but I've been a little busy...
Our week in Ethiopia was wonderful, but we didn't get out much. The first day we arrived, we were on our own, so we stayed at the wonderful Oziopia guesthouse. Abebe was the best guesthouse manager I have met yet. He took us around in the blue minibuses (that was a thrill! and only 2 birr each, unbelieveable), and he even suggested the once a month bazaar at the International Evangelical Church. They only have it the last Saturday of every month, but it was the best place to shop! When I post photos, I will put up a photo or two from there. We went to the agency guesthouse that night, and the next morning we traveled south to meet birth family. The drive south was so beautiful and it was priceless to see all the families outside of their tukuls going about their day to day lives. We even passed a soccer game with a huge ring of people watching. Meeting the birthfamily was difficult and wonderful and priceless, and I'm very thankful that I was allowed to record it. It was a long full day, and we fell asleep at 6:30 pm that night. The next morning we saw Child #4 and she was wary of us, like I expected. Just for reference, she is fifteen months old and weighed 16 pounds when we picked her up. She took to me easily again, so I was thankful for that. We didn't have her in our care full time until the next day (embassy day). I was really nervous about that, but she was fine as long as she was attached to me. We were at the embassy four hours and she didn't really cry. Rather unheard of in our family. We stayed at the guesthouse three more days and she started to relax a little. I still couldn't set her down though. She hated the guesthouse bedroom. She tensed up and cried everytime we went in there (maybe because it was small, dark and quiet?), so we stuck with the outdoors and dining room mostly. She slept through the night very well and still does.
It's been interesting to see the progress we make with Child #4 every day. In Addis, she was fine as long as I was holding her, but she didn't smile much at all. The plane ride was about as long as I imagined it to be, but it wasn't quite as awful as it could have been. Sure, I'm not positive I had more than two hours of sleep during twenty eight hours of travel. And sure, I ended up arriving in Houston with a giant mustard colored poop stain on my jeans and twelve various milk, banana and drool related stains on my shirt. But she didn't cry as much as other kids. Actually, she really only cried when she was tired and trying to stay awake. I will admit that I almost burst into tears in the Customs and Border Patrol office at the Houston airport where we sat waiting after already being in line for over an hour. All I wanted was to pick up my luggage and go home and see my kids and sleep, but the agents behind the counter were joking with each other and in absolutely no rush. That was the closest I came to crying during the whole trip. I was thinking how nice it was to finally be back in America with our efficiency and routines, but they were apparently running the office on Ethiopian time. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Anyway, I somehow lasted through a half hour there (in retrospect, that is still far shorter than the four hours we spent at the embassy), and we finally got to go home. I was a bit nervous of what Child #4 would think of our other children, but there was no need to be concerned. We had a brief mishap right after we got home. She was fast asleep in the car seat, so hubby set it on the floor when we got inside, unbeknowist to me. I noticed the same time as our sweet timid little dog started licking her toes thereby scaring her awake and into screaming, crying mode. She was in hyper vigilant mode for a little while after that, but she quickly warmed up to Child #2 and even let me walk four feet away while they played. The hardest part has been holding her all the time. She will occasionally have an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening where I can set her down as long as I sit on the floor and don't move while she explores within an eight foot radius. If she is hungry, tired, etc. then I have to be holding her and standing up. Although, she let hubby hold her the first couple of days, she has been wary and scared of him since. It's not uncommon, but it is difficult for both of us. Last Thursday was a horrible day, probably because she had just had shots and a double ear infection, but Friday was much better. I have to focus on the baby steps that we make each day. Count every smile and laugh and remember it during the bad times. Notice the moments of independence and exploration and remember it when she won't let me put her down. Today and yesterday have been great as far as her exploring more without me, and she's been smiling more often than not lately. On the other hand, we found out she has Giardia, and I'm having the dickens of a time trying to get her to swallow the medicine. Out of seven doses (only 1 ml each), I'm not sure I've gotten even a drop down her throat. I've put it in every manner of drinks, sugary syrups, fruit. I've used a medicine syringe to push it right at the back of her throat. But without fail, she has spit it on me, her clothing, the floor, dribbled it out the sides of her mouth and down her neck. I don't blame her, if it tastes half as bad as it smells. We've been relying on YL DiGize, and thankfully, that seems to be helping quite a bit. She has even gained a pound this last week! I'm just paranoid of having Giardia go throughout our family of six and making a permanant residence here. So now I carry a bottle of Purell with me everywhere. Today, we went in to have blood drawn (six tubes!) and she had the skin prick for the TB test. It was just awful, and I don't think she liked it much either... Hopefully, there won't be anything to worry about there.
I'll try to get around to posting some photos of our trip later...

Court Date CONFIRMED!!!

I'm actually going! Here's how I found out:
Yesterday, I called my agency on a fluke, just to ask some minor questions (and I just can't resist calling them at least once a week to milk them for information). Anyway, after I babbled away to my specialist, she told me she had been planning to give me a call. She gave me the news with such a dour voice, I was sure it was bad. She said "Your birth family did make their appearance". It took me at least five full seconds to process that it was good news! So it is all confirmed. I bought the tickets last week (when the date was "tentative"), and God has had his hand on the timing. If I had waited till now to buy tickets they would have been twice as much. We're actually staying a day longer than we planned to because we couldn't get a flight back on our originally planned date. Apparently many people are traveling at the same time. My mother and I will be leaving on July 24, I will meet Child #4 July 27 for a brief time and my court date is July 29. I am super nervous about appearing before the judge. I will be armed with a POA from hubby, but it will be just me to answer the questions. Eeeek. Super crappy part is I am not allowed to take any photos or video of Child #4.... So you will all get to see lots of photos of Ethiopia (and her referral pic when we pass). Hubby has to stay at home with the kids (shortage of vacation time for both trips, needed at work), but thankfully, his parents will be there to help and keep him sane :) I am feeling massive mother guilt about being away from the kids for so long, and galivanting around with my mom while my husband stays at home. But on the other hand, both my mother and I have never left the country (unless you count when she arrived here at the age of 3 from the Netherlands), and we are pretending this is our own "Amazing Race" episode (except we won't be digging through hay bales). It is relatively affordable to travel around Ethiopia, so we will be going north to Lalibela and Gonder for the last three days to see the churches that were carved out of cliff sides 800 years ago and I'll actually get to see a real castle in Gondar. Can you tell how excited I am??
Here is my laundry list of prayer requests if you feel led (it just keeps growing):
-travel mercies for our parents getting here and for my mom and I and all the traveling we'll be doing, keep everyone safe
-that meeting Child#4 would go better than I could imagine
-that court would be smooth, simple and we would PASS (and that I wouldn't worry so much about it)
-that we would stay healthy and not be affected by jet lag too bad
-that hubby and his parents would have a wonderful time together, and that the kids would be good for them :)
-that we wouldn't have any mishaps or lost baggage or damaged items, etc. during our travels
-that I would be able to find an affordable way to talk to my family at home
-that we would glorify God throughout our trip and Jesus would shine through us
I'm hoping to get enough internet to post something. So check periodically after the 24th. If all goes well, we will hopefully be bringing her home sometime in late September. I don't think it will all sink in that I'm actually going around the world until I'm in the plane, and I'll probably be crying too much from leaving the kids to realize it.... :0