Sunday, November 13, 2016

Mid November Blessings

This week was busy, exhausting, crazy, and surreal but above all, it was filled with blessings. I am not doing well with patience. I know I need the time - to prepare, to get our school year in, to raise/save/make money, and to learn some rudimentary Mandarin, but I'm going crazy. I haven't watched our videos of Child #5 in weeks because it's painful. Will he still look like that or be that size or is he talking more now? It's possible we won't have an update until just before travel. That's... difficult. But this week brought many surprises. We have had a ladies Bible study group at our church praying specifically for our family and for Child #5. I am so appreciative for each of those ladies that have taken it upon themselves to pray for us and think about our family. We go through times of spiritual attack that have been much more recognizable since we started this process, and I know we would have a very hard time in this process if not for others' prayers. So this week, I had the pleasure of meeting those ladies and getting to talk with them and be prayed for by them. They were all so sweet and interested in our family and process. I'm not used to being the center of attention, and it was humbling to experience such attention. Then they sent me home with a Christmas card/gift to use for the holidays! What a totally wonderful, unexpected blessing. These feelings... I don't know how to express my gratitude. Then later that day, I found out that my dad and stepmom wanted to help with our adoption. I was speechless by that point. We did not ask for money from them, they just wanted to. We absolutely need the money, but I feel totally unworthy and undeserving of such a gift. They asked for nothing in return. We have done nothing to merit this, no labor, no goods, nothing to offer in exchange. I feel compelled to make personalized Christmas ornaments or bracelets to try to repay their gift, but I can't offer anything that would compare to what we have been given. That feeling of complete unworthiness and immense gratitude all rolled up together - that is when I finally understood the picture of God's gift of grace, a gift I am totally unworthy of and absolutely unable to ever repay.


Mary Mariah said...

We have never made it to the Secretary of State and the US Consulate in the same day: tried twice but failed once and gave up the second time to avoid failure. We got up at the crack of dawn and then life happened with kids in tow, all the animals left behind to fend for themselves. I so resonate with ALL you wrote: the craziness and frustration at not being able to get the schooling done or organized, feeling uncomfortable with fundraising or even having the time to do anything about fundraising, humbling accepting the gift of the fundraiser when we actually did fundraise and wondering now what to do about having received it, adversity, adversity and more adversity. Because of the adversity, we don't have DTC yet. We have DTA (dossier to agency :) ) We are stuck in accounting since Nov. 21 waiting for all to "account" (money-wise) before that final scan. It is excruciating to get this far and not scan. Our deadline for dossier is in 3 days. Maybe we will see you at the US Consulate in Guangzhou. God has ALL; He has to it simply isn't going to happen.

Ali said...

Mary, The paperwork is so so difficult, but honestly, I hate the fundraising more. At least paperwork is in my comfort zone, but this is where God is really stretching me. Part of me would rather go deep into debt than ask people for money, but a wise friend of mine keeps telling me, "God calls some people to adopt and He calls others to support adoption and He calls others to give generously." I just keep telling myself that. But it is still depressing and awkward. I feel like I have to market my family, and I'm trying not to find my value in how many people support us (or don't). I'm praying your dossier gets there SOON!! Adversity is right, for sure.