Long Days in a Tough Week

This post is a little off course for me, but I need to vent. So I am trying to think of an appropriate adjective for the last couple of days, but all the words that come to mind are rather vulgar or just profane. Monday wasn't terrible, although the low point was using a plunger repeatedly to try to dislodge... Oh well, you don't really need to know.

Yesterday, the hits just kept on coming. Child #2 had two crying bouts and one screaming fit over breakfast. He doesn't scream - he shreiks. It is so loud and continuous that the pets go into hiding. Meanwhile, Child #1 wanted to know why he couldn't have pudding for breakfast. He has never had pudding for breakfast. In fact, he only gets pudding about twice a month, but that boy is an eternal optimist. Oh, and he's strong willed too = nice combo. Baby #3 watched. Okay, breakfast is over, let's have school time. "I don't wanna do schoolwork today." But picture that in a nasal tone and dragged out with twice as many syllables. Child #1 and 2 made a secret pact sometime when I wasn't paying attention. They both decided to be uncooperative, limp noodles. I do not know where the time went. All my plans were met with resistance, and the occasional flying object from Child #2. I tried to cheer him up with raspberries on the belly. You know where you blow funny noises on them. He giggled and then he bit me. Clear through my jeans. It took me five seconds to start feeling the pain, and he left a nasty welt. Man, it really hurt. Lunch was yogurt for them, while I hid in the pantry with a piece of chocolate.

I had already taken away the priveleges and what not from Child #1 for not "showing up" to school. Of course, since he is a strong willed optimist, he was repeatedly asking for and trying to barter to have said priveleges back. He would not be disuaded. By 1 pm, I was broken and tired of hearing the little debater. How many times did he need to hear no? I had my head in my hands as I sat at the school table and contemplated what a bad parent I am. That's when it hit me. A little foam rubber ball right on the side of my head. I knew instantly that #1 was not satisfied with the level of attention that he was recieving. Given my current train of thought, I burst into tears. #1 rushed over spilling out apologies, "I'm so sorry mommy, I wouldn't have thrown it if you had been looking." Huh!? Anyone understand the logic of kids? Me neither. I stood up and went to the only sacred place, the bathroom. Dear Lord, help me. Then I heard a strange sound in the next room. My epilectic dog was having a seizure. Really, who could blame her? Right as she was coming out of it, and loosing her bowels, the doorbell rang. Oh, it must be the life insurance lady here to take my blood. Such good timing! Did I mention I hadn't eaten all day because I was going to have blood drawn for tests. You know how they need all those vitals and blood tests to see what your death risk is? Naturally, my blood pressure was a little high. Want to put a needle in my arm? Pee in a cup? Yes, that goes well with today. Thanks for coming, buh bye. Blessed baby #3 slept through it all. She is my eye in the midst of the hurricane. I had no idea what a compliant child was until I had her. Dear Lord, please let her stay that way.

Hey look, it's naptime for #2. Uh oh, #2 is deciding to fight it today. He senses weakness in mommy's forces. He notices she is woozy from fasting and missing blood. He knows she can't lift his 30lb limp noodle body into that tricky space on the bottom bunk. She tries, but after 20 minutes of fierce battle, she decides to reserve her strength for what might still come - feeding #3.
God bless my husband. I surprised him a bit by actually meeting him at the door. And hugging him. I think he got worried when I wouldn't let go, especially when the kids started to call for me and I hid behind him.

Today was marginally better, I had nothing thrown at my head and nobody bit me. School was still a problem. We took four hours to get not much done. I was still exhausted when my husband came home. I snapped at him for stopping at 99 cent Stuff because I had been wanting to go. He told me he stopped to get me a Valentines card. It took him a few years to learn that I despise expensive cards, I fret over how much was spent. Anytime he finds a wonderful card for under $.99 I get teary eyed because I know he worked hard to find it just to please me.That man really loves me. He bought a $.49 card, and it was so sweet. Then I snapped at him over the cookies he bought for me. I don't even know why. I burst into tears and like the coward I am, I ran away. I hid in the shower, and he got stuck putting them to bed. In fairness, they were in pajamas already, and I hadn't had a shower in three days. But now I was feeling like a lousy wife too. I sat in the shower until the water ran cold waiting for my epiphany. Well, Lord, is this really where you want me? I normally love my job, but these have been soul sucking days. Days where you wonder what the purpose of life is. There was no bright flash of light or voice in the bathroom telling me to go forth and do better. I finished my prayers and finally left the bathroom. I apologized to my husband and I said good night to my sons. I told #1 that we would try again tommorrow. He was not very responsive. I am fairly certain that he will get sick of all his favorite things being stuck in our closet eventually.

I am reminded of a message I heard one time about the sailor that holds fast to the rope. When the storm comes and the winds are blowing, the rope is slipping but he holds fast. It burns his hands, but he knows he can't let go. It's a little bit like that. There are days that it burns your hands, but you must hold fast. You don't want to lose the ship in a storm. Maybe tommorrow the dark clouds will pass and the sun will come out. The boat will keep going. If you hold fast through the storms, you will reach your port safe and sound someday.