Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Baby #3 and Me

I finished reading Marley and Me, a very funny, sad book about a rather sweet, stupid dog. The author called him the world's worst dog because of all the stuff he got into and destroyed. It dawned on me today that I have the baby equivilant to that dog. Technically she isn't quite a baby anymore, she'll soon be two. Keep in mind that she is my third (following two very active boys) and I am in awe of her ability to change order to chaos no matter where she is. I will give you today as an example. It was a typical day, except that I am totally congested from what I think is not the swine flu. The only safe time is when she is strapped into the highchair for meals, so breakfast was okay. I let her down, and when I turned my back to put dishes in the sink, she had climbed from the floor to the chair to the table where she commenced hunting down any food or beverages still left by her careless brothers. I removed her from the table and cleared any temptations to the sink. I seemed to have overlooked a cup, and she has poured it on the floor. This is why I only let them drink water, with ice if I'm feeling crazy. This is also why I have developed a habit of eating and drinking at the counter, I don't like to share. She also tried to climb in the dishwasher while I was loading it but that's standard. We got a bit of schooling done while she emptied a cupboard of "acceptable playthings" (plastic cups, aprons, placemats, etc.), but then I heard dog food hitting the floor. Who left the pantry door open?? She was very sad when I took the scoop away from her and put the pile of food back in the giant tub. But she consoled herself by pulling the books out of the bookcase and removing the dust jackets. I later find lovely pencil drawings on the kitchen tile, not sure when or how she fit that in. We went upstairs and I tried to clean up the bathroom a bit. I came across some nail polish that was old - in point of fact, all my nail polish is old because I only use it twice a year - and I felt a need to try it out. I painted one nail perfectly while she watched, then out of nowhere she mugged me. The bottle flew into the air leaving a lovely mauve trail as it went, POOM onto the carpet. I spent the next half hour scrubbing it out with nail polish remover, while she and her brothers fought over cotton balls. I don't see a spot and thankfully the light in that room is dim, so don't tell my husband about it, okay? If you see me at church with only my thumbnail painted, now you know why. I also got a bit of laundry done and tried to check my email. The latter was a mistake, I had my eyes on the monitor for thirty seconds too long. She had removed the knotted and sealed diaper trash bag from the laundry room and ripped it open. She had then removed a diaper and undid my fastidiously neat diaper burrito to ascertain the contents. That is when I saw her with her left hand holding the offensive diaper while her right finger pointed towards the mess inside, and she seemed to be deciding whether to touch it. Wasn't smelling it enough? Ewww. I grabbed it away and whisked her to the bathroom sink, where I washed her with soap until I was satisfied with her cleanliness. She really loved that, after all water is FUN! Naptime! As usual, she tried to eat the diaper cream while I changed her. Does she have no taste buds?? Here is a partial list of what I have caught her eating - lotion, cream, toothpaste, shampoo, soap, play doh, diaper wipes, dog food, dog biscuits, mascara, lip balm, vegetables, and paper. Yes, I know vegetables are okay, but she eats anything I feed her. But she also loves chocolate, so I find that confusing. Daddy got home before naptime was over. I confess that I usually wait until my backup is home, before getting her out of the crib. She definitely tones it down when there is more than one set of parental eyes. The worst she does for him is going up and down the stairs over and over. And also drinking out of the dog's water bowl. Sometimes she dips her hands in it, and sometimes she is tidy and uses a spoon.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

obviously you have the makings of a scientist, or artist, or very athletic olympian. Hmmm. Keep the video camera handy, and you too can be on youtube with millions watching. Gotta be better than the toilet flushing cat.

steffany said...

Hilarious!
Now I know why you never post.

Rebecca in TX said...

No wonder I never see you at any of the homewood events!!!!
Rebecca Miller

Lauranie said...

hilarious! glad to know my son is not the only DOGFOOD loving baby! :D thanks for visiting my blog! good luck with all of the giveaways!